"Father, Can You Hair Me?" is the eleventh episode of Better Off Ted. It originally aired July 21, 2009.
ABC Episode SynopsisEdit
The family that steals from each other stays together.
Who knew that Veronica was even the product of biological parents? But, here's the proof: Her dad is Elijah Palmer, CEO of Digivation, the main competitor to Veridian Dynamics. Father and daughter have been stealing product ideas — from hover shoes to weight loss toothpaste—from each other for years. It's the way they express their love.
Ted has his own painful relationship with his father, a plumber severely disappointed that his son never followed him into the family business. Now nothing Ted ever does can impress his old man.
Also, not wanting to end up like his dad, Ted pushes Rose to be everything she wants to be, including 3rd grade class president. He prints up her campaign poster and helps her with her campaign speech: "Hi, I'm Rose. Vote for me. Please. Thank you." Aw, she's cute. We'd vote for her!
At the office, Phil and Lem's new wrinkle cream is a total disaster. Instead of banishing wrinkles, it grows hair on their skin samples. Wait a minute—real live hair growth! Ted tells them they've found the Holy Grail of all Research & Development. Hair growth! Ted orders an immediate push to get the product into market. But Phil and Lem have serious reservations and demand more testing. Ah, those two are just chicken.
As Veronica plots her next move against her father, he makes a surprise visit to the Veridian office. He has big news—he's dying. Veronica reacts predictably. She has security throw him out on his butt, thinking her dad is just scheming up a new plot to steal a Veridian product. But, at Linda's urging, Veronica does more investigating and it's all true. Elijah Palmer has just one year to live. Oh, no!
Meanwhile, Ted steals a sample of the hair growth formula and sprays it on his arm. Sure Ted's in an impatient hurry, but this product is personal. Ted has found the one thing that might make his dad proud, especially since dear ol' dad is as bald as an egg.
Veronica tries to bond with her dad before he kicks the bucket, but their efforts are a disaster. Tossing a Frisbee in the park, flying a kite—nothing feels natural to them. There's got to be a better way for these two to bond. As creepy as they are, we want to see them happy.
Ted has his own disaster on his hands when the hair growth formula he stole actually works. Yeah, he's now got a patch of thick hair on his arm— Gross!—but part of the formula leaked onto his desk and hair is growing everywhere—out of the Post-It notes, the stapler, computer monitor, everything. The darn hair is a parasite!
After seeing the overgrowth of hair in Ted's office, a lightbulb goes off over Veronica's head. When Elijah comes in later to take her to lunch, she conveniently excuses herself to go to the ladies room, giving Dad the opportunity to steal the hair growth formula right off her desk. Hey, this is what makes them happy.
At home, Ted decides to stop pushing Rose to be class president, a job she only pursued to please him. What she really wants to do is hang out in the sandbox and make mud cookies, which Ted lets her do. That's when we realize he's a good dad after all.
- Jay Harrington as Ted Crisp
- Portia de Rossi as Veronica Palmer
- Andrea Anders as Linda Zwordling
- Jonathan Slavin as Phil Mymen
- Malcolm Barrett as Lem Hewitt
- Isabella Acres as Rose Crisp
- Kevin Chamberlin as Mr. Crisp
- Geoff Pierson as Elijah Palmer
- Welton Thomas Pitchford as Glenn
- Gary Rubenstein as Dr. Rosenbaum
- Jonna Kae Volz as Verionica's secretary